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TIFU by trying to have sex with a woman in the woods. (NSFW)

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks, and last night was her birthday. After having a few drinks downtown, I suggested we take it back to my place (we've had sex several times already).

She says, "How about you fuck me in your car?"

Now, my car is a small Hyundai, and I tell her that it would probably be an impossible feat. She's drunk and insistent, however, so I comply.

Twenty minutes later we're bouncing around on a small forest service road outside of town, looking for a suitable place to get it on. Me, being a little paranoid, decided to take my car down what appeared to be a small quad trail, just to be certain we wouldn't be interrupted.

I put on some music, we took our clothes off, and proceeded to get things going. My original assessment of the situation was accurate however, my car was too small for her to comfortably get on top. It ended up being frustrating for both of us.

"Let's have sex on the hood of my car," I suggest.

We pile out of my car, both stark naked, and get things going on the hood.

All at once, in a suddenly sobering moment, I hear my car door shut and I realize that the engine is running. She recognizes the severity of the situation as well:

"Shit. Are we locked out?"

We were.

We shuffled to the passenger's side door, trying not to slip and slide in the slick mud, which now coated our feet. The passenger's door was locked as well.

Fortunately the window was cracked open a few inches, however, and she reached her arm in to try to unlock the door from the inside.

This was easily the least sexy moment of my life.

As we're both standing there in the moonlight, trying to gain access to my car, my worst fear was suddenly realized: I saw headlights coming up the road.

"Shit! CAR!!" I yelled.

With the intensity of a bomb-defusing scene in an action movie, I stood behind her, sweating bullets and urging her to hurry.

Suddenly she yelled "I got it!"

She unlocked the door, and I quickly ran to the driver's side. Evidently I ran too quickly, however, I ended up slipping and falling balls first in mud.

The headlights were almost on me when I scurried back to my feet and hopped in the driver's seat.

She was freaking out and yelled, "GO GO GO!!!"

I slammed it into drive and whipped the car around to go down the road from where we came.

Earlier I mentioned that this was a quad trail, and that I drive a small Hyundai. As I attempted to complete a hasty U-turn, my tires fell into the the deep ruts in the road, and I was stuck. I frantically shifted the car from first gear to reverse, but we were legitimately stuck.

We sat there vulnerably in our car, still naked and muddy, helplessly watching as were slowly broadsided by a couple of pickup trucks.

They put their vehicles in park, and stepped out. The girl I was with quickly covered herself with random clothing articles in the car.

A middle-aged dude approached the car with at first a look of concern, then suddenly a look of awkwardness and alarm overtook him as he noticed both of us were naked.

"Y'all stuck?" He asked, trying to hide a smile.

In the end he and about four other guys helped push my car out of the ditch. I enthusiastically waved with one hand, covering my junk with the other.

"Thank you! We appreciate it!" I shouted, and they all just laughed.

submitted by Mesonoxian to tifu
[link] [282 comments]

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