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Update: My fiancee of 4 years was raped and her personality completely changed. Should I postpone the wedding?

Link to the first post

First of all, I want to extend some serious thank yous to everyone who responded to the post. There are currently 663 messages and comments in my inbox; I don't think I can personally respond to all of them, but know that your stories break my heart and that your support stitches it up again.

I talked to Katie Wednesday night. u/TheLaramieReject's comment really stuck out and proved to be true. When I got home from work, I asked her to close her computer so we could talk. She did, and I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to take her on a vacation and re-propose to her (thanks u/dk523) and work out the wedding from there.

As expected, she started crying and apologizing. She feels like she's ruining my life and my wedding and that she feels guilty for being so sick. I didn't think I could love her any more than I already do, but she consistently proves me wrong.

What was great about this conversation is that it was so raw but also level-headed. We ended the night talking about our future dream wedding, which was something we used to do all the time, but hadn't in the past half-year or so. It felt amazing.

We also talked about her medication, how she spends her time, and getting an animal.

I did not realize that she had an appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday. Katie had never expressed this to me before, but she is uncomfortable with the amount of medication that she's on as well. If her current psychiatrist is unwilling to change or reduce her medication, we'll get a second opinion.

With that said though, if both doctors think that she needs to be on the medication that she's on, she probably does need to be on all of it.

And for all the enthusiastic supporters of MDMA and ecstasy, I don't think that is the best move for us, but thank you for all the messages and comments.

As I mentioned in the prior post, Katie is essentially working or sleeping. A redditor reached out to me (u/messedwthewrongb_tch) who had written out her story in a separate post which was similar to Katie's. They have decided to work together to overcome their PTSD symptoms. Katie has brightened up a lot after just two phone calls with "Annie." One thing that they've done is written out three daily goals in six categories (mental, physical, philanthropic, financial, spiritual, and family), and they try to complete one in each bucket each day.

I think that knowing that there are others out there who are willing to be mutually supportive makes a big difference to both of them.

As for an animal, when I brought up a dog Katie's entire expression changed. She is so excited. When we get back from our vacation, we're going to look into a miniature schnauzer or a west highland terrier puppy. Thank you again for all the warm responses. I can promise you that even though I can't respond to all of you personally, I will read your stories and thoughts.

A few final things:

  • We don't have a new date for the wedding, but we will be working closer with the bridal party than what is normal for a wedding to take some stress off Katie.
  • I am not going to attack Brendan, as much as I'd like to exact revenge Mountain/Oberyn style. Katie needs me here, not in jail. We'll get justice through the legal system.
  • Katie would like to continue doing EMDR.

Finally, for every one person who lies about rape (incredibly rare, in my view), there are tens of thousands of assholes telling real rape victims that they deserved it or wanted it.

Dudes, this has got to stop.

Edit 1: Wow, front page. Your thoughts and well wishes are hitting me hard. Thank you so much.

Edit 2: Not literally Mountain/Oberyn style. I know you guys know what part of that fight I'm talking about.

Edit 3: Been at this for about two hours. I have to get some work done. I'll read through and respond your comments in a few hours. Thank you ALL again for being so supportive. I will add that right after it happened, Katie was in touch with RAINN who were immensely helpful. I'd recommend them to anyone.

Edit 4: I'm getting a lot of similar questions so I'll answer them here:

  • Brendan was fired from his job because Katie filed with HR. He got a new job (maybe 2 weeks later) that was the equivalent of a promotion.

  • Yes, I'm sure I want to marry her. No, I don't see her as "damaged goods." In fact, I don't see her as a "good" at all. She's a person.

  • We haven't gone to court yet because DNA processing took forever. We should be getting our court date any day now.

Edit 5: We're still figuring out the dog thing, and won't know what we're getting until we're back from vacation. We need to be able to find Katie a dog she can live with (again, she has allergies). Deciding between a breeder and a shelter is not going to be a priority right now.

Edit 6: I'm getting a lot of suggestions for martial arts, marijuana, and requests for updates.

I do not think that putting Katie into a "fighting" environment, where she might get "attacked" (even if it's just sparring) would be a good idea right now.

We don't know how marijuana, or any other drugs not administered by a doctor, will mix with the other medications Katie is on. We have never tried marijuana and I would hate any kind of ill effect caused by not working with a doctor because it's illegal. It's not that we're "anti-drug," but we don't want to put anything into Katie's body that could make her unhealthy, physically or mentally.

I will write an updated post after the trial is done.

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