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TIFU by masturbating right after surgery.

So I had a surgery Monday afternoon. Bunions are genetic in my family, and for some reason, mine are particularly bad for a 23 year old. I elected to get the surgery now, while under my mother's insurance and to prevent it from getting worse. Also, this way my mom can take a few days off work to stay with me if I need anything.

Long story short, they had to break 2 of my bones, then realign them, add some screws and pins, file down the side of my foot, then put the bones back into the sockets. I have 12 stitches and am on heavy narcotic drugs for pain.

Well, I have a super high sex drive. I flicked the bean before surgery Monday, but it's been 4 days. So I was horny and put on some porn. So I'm going at it and getting really into it. A few attempts at finishing pass because of mild pain in my foot. I decide to play through the pain.

Bad.

So I'm finally about to come, and I get ready, straighten my legs. And I curl my toes as I climax, as I always do.

I curl my fucking toes.

There's a loud CRACK then my earsplitting scream of pure fucking agony. Then I have about three seconds to think Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, what did I do before my mom comes barreling through my door.

There I am, covered in sweat, vibrator in hand, porn still on my TV, and my mom staring at me in shock. She stammered "Are you... uh, oh. Um. Are you o-okay? Uh..." She keeps glancing from me to the TV. I'm yelling at her that I'm fine, just go, I'm fine, GO. But she's in shock I think because she's still just glancing wide eyed from (half naked) me, to my TV, back to me, then my foot.

So I throw something at her to wake her out of her confused daze to make her go. The only thing I had within reach. My vibrator.

I threw my vibrator at my mother.

She backed out of my room slowly. We haven't spoken since.

submitted by Jexxa to tifu
[link] [361 comments]

Is Leonard Nimoy the first example of a "famous last tweet?" If not, what are some others?

His tweet for reference:

"A life is like a garden, Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory."

RIP, LLAP

submitted by bunkyTD to AskReddit
[link] [1030 comments]


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