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TIFU by squirting whilst masturbating onto my floor, slipping in it and scarring my roommate for life. (NSFW)

This happened not half an hour ago, I was getting ready for my job as a a bartender. I always wank before work, since it relaxes me and I can only assume my customers appreciate my shit eating grin. I recently discovered I can make myself squirt and have intense orgasms with my new vibrator. 6 orgasms down, I feel it coming...literally. I scoot to the end of my bed, not wanting to wash my sheets AGAIN, and proceed to shoot lady juices all over my floor. I lay back down, blissful, only to hear a knock at my door. My roommate starts to twist the door handle, I spring to my feet, only to have my post coital jelly legs slip in the mess I made for myself. My head cracks hard on the wooden floorboards, and my roomie having heard the crash, swings the door open, only to see me, clutching my vibrator, robe open, clutching my head in a puddle. She screams sorry and slams the door shut.

Now I'm on my way to work, head pounding and shame burning deep in my stomach. I can't imagine the next time we pass in the hallway there will be much eye contact.

TL;DR...slipped in a PUDDDLE of squirty lady juice, scarring my roommate for life, who was only offering me food.

submitted by bear_roughback to tifu
[link] [342 comments]

ELI5: As a man, why does all sexual desire disappear after an orgasm? It's almost to the point where I think sex is disgusting for a while (NSFW)

After an orgasm, If I'm watching porn, I instantly turn it off or get grossed out by the nasty shit I've been watching. And If it's sex, I just want to clean up and get dressed as soon as possible.

Also, why aren't women like this? They seem to be able to go after a short 10 second break while I want to chill for an hour.

submitted by drum_playing_twig to explainlikeimfive
[link] [253 comments]


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