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Doctors of reddit, have you had any exciting cases that have made you feel like Dr. House?

Any exciting mysteries that you were/weren't able to solve? If so, please elaborate!

submitted by Operateonthis to AskReddit
[link] [573 comments]

Tifu by reverting back to bad old habits. (Nsfw)

Ahhh, fuck it. Here it goes...

Last year I (27yr old male), had a 7 month tumultuous hell hole of a relationship, with a gorgeous, insane cocaine fiend (27yr old female).

Now in all honesty, although I had been clean for 18 months prior to meeting this sexy fuckwit, I had had a drug career spanning 12 years that would make Charlie Sheen's eyes water.

I've ingested drugs that have altered my optical world into a completely different dimension, akin to a jaded R-rated Disney movie. Snorted powders that have resulted in my penis hiding inside my body, resembling a tiny frightened vagina, and on one binge in particular, mixed two tabs of acid, with powerful horse tranqualiser ketamine, which resulted in me perpetually looking inside my boxer shorts to see if I'd soiled myself, every 45 seconds, for 9 straight hours.

But your hear for shit arent ya? So I'll continue.

I had had no inclination that my SO had a habit of her own for the first 6 weeks of our 'relationship'.

However, on one Friday night, she arrived at my apartment for drinks, and dick-in-mouth related activities, and I could instantly spot something amiss.

She paced back and forwards throughout my pad, demolishing glass after glass of cheap wine, and filling my head full of, at this point, only verbal shit. As someone who had pushed my body above and beyond its chemical limits, I deduced, that cocaine was the culprit.

My only fear at this point was that she had hoovered all of the pretty, white powder to herself, and that I was going to be subjected to hours of unrelenting verbal drivel, sober as a judge. This would be an unbearable evening. So, I come forward and come straight out with it,

'So have you got any coke left?'

She looks perplexed, startled. She can't believe she's been rumbled. With her Oscar winning 'I'm not on high grade Cocaine' performance. Oh Please. The ambient lighting in my apartment is reflecting in my eyes, off her sweaty, glistening forehead. She's clenching and unclenching her fists, the shit she's talking about, oh the shit she's talking about. Quit the game sweetheart, your on drugs, and I fucking want some too.

After explaining how I knew, to her pretty, stupid face, she proceeds to reveal the merchandise. It's good, and there's plenty to get both our hearts racing. We begin snorting the ill gotten gains like a pair of truffle hunting pigs. Fuck yeah, I'm high, let's fuck.

I don't know if you readers have partook in a good rail or two of high grade Cocaine, but if you haven't, allow me to explain.

The first line fired up your snout will instantly release a months worth of constipation, at a speed that makes the speed of light look like snail pace. It truly is the most effective laxative. It's unfathomable.

She has not shat on me yet.

We begin indulging in cocaine fuelled sex and its incredible. The sexual chemistry is immense, every breath of each others is felt, every desire noted. You haven't fucked, until you've fucked in coke.

In my head, I imagine my dirty little coke fiend and i, are like gods and goddesses, picture Brad Pitt and and Angelina Jolie. Proper Hugh Grant romcom shit.

In actual fact, we were two out of breath, sweaty, stinking coke heads, filthily fucking in a shithole apartment, in the arsehole of nowhere. But I digress.

Another thing about decent cocaine, is that it can revert a mans prick into the pitiful size it was as a child. Don't ask me to explain how, ask science.

Were 69ing, and she is trying to make do with what can only be described as a nub of wrinkled skin, attached to two sorry looking balls. She's one lucky girl, I'm a great catch.

I dart my tongue in and out of her sopping hole, then ass. Hole, ass, hole, ass. Asshole. That's where shits made.

I apply fingers.

Fingers in asshole, toungue in pussy.

Fingers out of asshole, enter tongue, enter foreign object.

A nugget of foreign object descends, and HITS MY FRONT TEETH.

My eyes water, my nose points north, my tongue recoils. Drawing her produce, into my fucking mouth!

Now I don't expect you to know what human shit tastes like, and nor should you. Dig deep in your memory, and think of the foulest smelling fart that youve had the displeasure of chewing. Times that by an incomprehensible number. Then times that by ten. Your still nowhere near what it tastes like.

So yeah, I ate some shit.

Tl;Dr arrange my funeral, bring the wreath, she opened her hole, and shit on my teeth.

submitted by Busted_nut_sack to tifu
[link] [271 comments]

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